Twinkie Aged for (Almost) Four Years


Twinkie_Aged_Screenshot

Marge: We finally have something to put in the wall safe. Hostess Twinkies?
Homer: I heard if you age them for ten years they turn to liquor.
– Milhouse Doesn’t Live Here Anymore 

The Simpsons | Season 15 - Episode 12

During times of sheltering in place, one might become desperate for the necessities of life. Perhaps you hoard things like Creamed Eels, Corn Nog and Wadded Beef or perhaps you dive into your emergency Twinkie supply. As discussed here (September 2016) and here (February 2018), I’ve been aiming to age my Twinkie for 10 years to see if it turns into liquor. So far I have a Twinkie Aged for (Almost) Four Years, which isn’t that bad!

First, let’s take a look at what we all came here for, hardcore nudity! Wait…no here’s a picture of the Twinkie itself:

Twinkie_4ishYears

So it’s not liquefying at all. Which means it’s probably not turning into liquor either. If anything it is drying out and becoming more porous. Is my Twinkie going to evolve into a pumice stone? It’s not like the Twinkie is leading a hard life either. I keep it in one of those sliding Ikea shelf things that go underneath beds. That is a clean, dry, temperature controlled area.

Of course, if I truly wanted to follow Homer’s example I would be storing the Twinkie in a wall safe. The problem is that first of all, I don’t have a wall safe. Actually, that’s really the only problem because I’m not buying one just to make this stupid bit be fully accurate. I’ve been storing a damn Twinkine under my bed for almost FOUR years people, what more do you want from me?

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Thomas Ward

“Hey come on, you did me twice!”