Window to Weight Gain – And The Rest

And now we come to the end of our Window to Weight Gain series. And what a long, strange, fattening journey it’s been! By now you should be eating Pop Tart sandwiches for lunch and be gorging on entire containers of Chubbb while watching tv. However, there were a few items that I’ve bunched together in the interest of not stretching this thing out any farther than it already is.

Fitness Store Salesman: Lucky for you, this stuff doesn’t work.


Bart: Bad news, dad. We’re out of food. We’re even out of the basic elements of food. You ate all the tarragon and drank all the soy sauce.

Homer: Ah, honey. That looks just like a real doughnut.
Bart: Dad, it says non-toxic.
Homer: Well, that’s a plus.


My order of preference with these remaining food options are:

  • Banana-Free Banana Split
  • Massive Weight Gain Powder
  • Non-toxic Doughnut
  • Tarragon and Soy Sauce

Basically, I’d rather quickly maw down a Play-Doh doughnut then drink an entire bottle of soy sauce. I’m pretty sure that much sodium would kill me (yes it will), but the doughnut is non-toxic so I should be good to go. I’m pretty sure kids eat Play-Doh all the time so that just seems like the safer choice.

And The Rest From: King-Size Homer (The Simpsons Season 7 – Episode 7)

Are you dangerously underweight? Trying to go on workplace disability? Well, fret no more as we take you on a five part series covering all the do and do not do’s on your Window to Weight Gain! Parts onetwo, three, four





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Glenn S.

Is the reason you didn’t do the banana split because the Banana Kaboom is essentially the same thing anyways (and, lets face it, much funnier)?


Pretty much, I can’t just go around wasting good ice cream on lowly bananas. And yes, the Banana Kaboom is coming!