Bob’s Burgers Thanksgiving Dinners Ranked
Bob: It’s just, I got a Riverbrook Lake Farms turkey! Look, I know you guys don’t get it, but these heritage turkeys are the best turkeys you can buy. They’re like the Ferraris of turkeys. Oh, it even comes with a little card that tells you about your fancy bird. “Our turkey’s name is Popcorn, because her farmers sometimes gave her popcorn.” There’s a reason these turkeys cost five times more than a grocery store turkey, guys. They’re fresh-killed. They’ve never been frozen. And they’re raised with the best care, in the best conditions.
– Now We’re Not Cooking with Gas
Thoughts On Food | -
Like Friends before, which I’m told is not a cartoon, Bob’s Burgers has a long history of “disaster related Thanksgiving episodes”. Of course, there are plenty of lists ranking which thanksgiving episodes are best. But what about which thanksgiving dinner is best? Which would I (and you, dear reader, by extension) want to eat? Let’s find out!
…But, first let’s mention the Bob’s Burgers Thanksgiving episodes that don’t actually feature an edible meal:
- Turkey in a Can – Because I’m not eating a turkey that was left in a toilet.
- The Quirk-ducers – Unless you count a potato that looks like an old man?
- Now We’re Not Cooking with Gas – I don’t care how delicious the meat is, Bob cooked that turkey over a fire in an alley, using compostable whatever was available which, again, came from an alley. Gross.
Now onto the thanksgiving dinner ranking!
Gayle Makin’ Bob Sled: Gale at her most annoying (albeit injured) forcing Bob to rescue her while the family takes on making Thanksgiving dinner.
The meal: Gene’s jelly bean casserole, Louise’s whipped cream with chocolate syrup and cherry on top “carrots” and an indelible turkey. But there are microwave egg rolls!
Verdict: I wouldn’t eat most of these items, but I suppose the egg rolls are a nice touch.
Dawn of the Peck: A turkey trot run amok! Plus Bob drunkenly talks to his turkey baster which is just fantastic.
The meal: Turkey, cranberry sauce, cornbread (maybe?).
Verdict: Overall pretty meh.
An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal: The first Thanksgiving themed Bob’s Burgers episode! Feature Mr. Fischoeder and his usual rich guy antics, plus a lady hunts Bob for sport so there’s that.
The meal: Absinthe (for Bob and Linda), garden salad, dinner rolls, turkey, mashed potatoes, peas.
Verdict: I’m sorry, but absinthe doesn’t cause hallucinations and also tastes awful so I’m not really on board with this as a pairing for turkey.
I Bob Your Pardon: The Belchers work to save the life of a single turkey which is apparently of interest to the deputy mayor AND a local reporter.
The meal: Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, plus cranberry sauce (direct from the cranberry bog!).
Verdict: Fairly basic Thanksgiving, but still does the job. I don’t really like cranberry sauce so it being “so fresh” isn’t that impressive.
Thanks-hoarding: Teddy is a hoarder! And with such an otherwise balanced personality who could have guessed? The Belcher Family attempts to help, doesn’t, and everything goes back exactly the way it was. Plus a makeup dinner for Bob!
The meal: Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans
Verdict: The rare opportunity for a “do over” dinner that is apparently worth the time invested. Sign me up.
Diarrhea of a Poopy Kid: Gene has “stomach flu” and the family tells him anti-food stories to help make him feel better.
The meal: Baked brie and roasted pears appetizer, rosemary bread, sausage and chestnut stuffing and turkey.
Verdict: The winner!!! I know it might be considered a pretentious “innovative” meal, but it sounds delicious to me. Plus there’s the great jab at bloggers by Louise and I am officially crying in my stuffing over that insult…
Bob: You guys are excited about all the new innovative menus I’m doing this year, right?
Tina: About what?
Bob: My new, innovative Thanksgiving menu. Baked brie and roasted pears appetizer, rosemary bread, sausage and chestnut stuffing.
Louise: You know I’ve been blogging about it all morning dad and oh! What’s this, an email? I just got a book deal.
Bob: You got a book deal, from your blog?
Louise: They want to print, the blog.