Twinkies_ScreenImage

Why Hasn’t My Twinkie Turned Into Liquor Yet?

Well, it’s been almost five years and…still no liquor. I’m beginning to think that The Simpsons might have been lying to me about Twinkie liquor. Buuuut, you are supposed to age the Twinkie for TEN years so perhaps I just need to stop being so impatient? At the same time, I was really hoping to be able to drink my Twinkie liquor for St. Patrick’s Day.

I guess I’ll have to settle for a Twinkie cocktail instead. Except the Twinkie cocktail actually looks worse than just eating my soon-to-be mummified Twinkie. Why exactly does cake flavored vodka and whipped cream flavored vodka exist? I guess this will just be another year of pretending to be the Prime Minister of Ireland while I drink beer dyed green.

Here’s an interesting story*. I recently moved and in all the chaos of the move I thought I had actually lost my precious, precious Twinkie. While unpacking I discovered that I had, for reasons beyond my recollection, placed my five-year old Twinkie inside a shoe. This wasn’t necessarily a bad idea since the shoe provided adequate Twinkie protection. However, as someone who doesn’t always pay full attention to things (wait, what?) this could have ended with me putting my foot into the shoe and crushing the Twinkie. Anyway, here’s what the Twinkie currently looks like:

Twinkie_FiveYears

*The relative interestingness of the above story may vary from person to person.


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8 Responses to “Why Hasn’t My Twinkie Turned Into Liquor Yet?”

  1. Elijah Avatar
    Elijah

    OMG! Started bingeing the Simpsons From episode 1. I need to know if Aged Twinkie Liquor would be possible, and came across your page. Thank you so much for this! Will definitely come back in 2026!

    1. Eats Like A Duck Avatar
      Eats Like A Duck

      We’re more than half-way there!

  2. matthew morelli Avatar
    matthew morelli

    can you someday do Mojo Jojo’s hibachi (PPG 1998 – Child Fearing)

    1. Eats Like A Duck Avatar
      Eats Like A Duck

      I really don’t know if I can…mostly because I don’t own: a teppanyaki grill, two knives or salt and pepper. BUT I can try my very best and hopefully not slice off any body parts.

  3. Robert Avatar
    Robert

    Perhaps you could have some cool, refreshing crab juice in stead?

    1. Eats Like A Duck Avatar
      Eats Like A Duck

      As long as it’s not Mountain Dew I am fully on board.

  4. Jon Bennet Avatar
    Jon Bennet

    Adequate protection? Silly Customer! You cannot hurt a Twinkie

    1. Eats Like A Duck Avatar
      Eats Like A Duck

      Good point. I should have just thrown the Twinkie between some books and it probably would have been fine.

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