The Lean Cuisini

Lean Cuisine is considered a “healthy” frozen dinner and is targeted toward women. It’s essentially the opposite of Hungry Man, whose slogan “eat like a man” is actually pretty close to this blogs slogan. I think the major difference between eating like a duck and eating like a man (besides the obvious variance in chewing styles) is that eating like man involves a lot of meat and potatoes. While ducks apparently eat food blended with beer and drink the Lean Cuisini. Or at least this duck does.


  • Lean Cuisine (any variety will do)
  • Beer (any brand will do)


Put lean cuisine in a blender and pour some beer on it.


Liquefy until the mixture is as smooth as possible. Serve immediately.


I realized too late that I served the Lean Cuisini in a tumbler glass when it really should have gone into a martini glass – so don’t bother pointing that out. Was I going to make this monstrosity again? Not a chance in hell. What does a Lean Cuisini taste like? Like blended up food chunks with beer mixed in – a thoroughly unpleasant experience that ranks right up there with the Clove Tom Collins Pie. Do not make this.

Cromulence: 0 Jefferson Avenue Exits out of 10

The Lean Cuisini Recipe From: There’s Something About Marrying (The Simpsons Season 16 – Episode 10)







15 Responses to “The Lean Cuisini”

  1. Trish Avatar

    That legitimately looks like barf.

    1. Eatslikeaduck Avatar

      It legit tasted like it too. Basically imagine after a night of drinking beer you decide to make a frozen dinner and, well, you know the rest.

  2. Dianne Avatar

    I’ll be cooking my Lean Cuisine in your kiln tonight!

  3. Samantha Avatar

    I bet that homemade Pepto Bimsol would taste even worse than that and the Tom Collins Pie

    1. Eatslikeaduck Avatar

      I wouldn’t even begin to know how to make that!

      1. Samantha Avatar

        so then put it under “I’m not making that” because I imagine that it would cause Nausea, Heartburn, Indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea

        1. Eatslikeaduck Avatar

          Good call. I will add it to my “I’m not making that” list.

    2. Yamamanama Avatar

      When did he make homemade Pepto-Bismol?

      I know he made homemade prozac and said it needed more ice cream.

      1. Eatslikeaduck Avatar

        A quick google search for Homer and Pepto-Bismol doesn’t get much. The only instance I could think of was when it spilled on the bathroom floor and he thought it was “baby blood”.

        1. Chris Morgan Avatar
          Chris Morgan

          There was homemade Pepsi, of course, which you actually already did. If you are going to take any drugs from The Simpsons, I recommend Focusyn (even if your testicles will no longer fit in your underwear).

          1. Eatslikeaduck Avatar

            I know it doesn’t fit into the context of the discussion, but I would just like to add that more testicles means more iron.

      2. Samantha Avatar

        well it was something from the early seasons like sometime between 2-6

        1. Trish Avatar

          That was homemade Prozac from the episode “Homer Badman”. In your defense, it was pink.

      3. Trish Avatar

        you’re right it was homemade Prozac, not Pepto. It was pink though. It’s from “Homer Bad Man” (just rewatched it)

        1. Eatslikeaduck Avatar

          That’s exactly what I was thinking. I basically just need to mix strawberry ice cream with alcohol and…I’m not sure what else. Ice cream and alcohol always makes me feel better.

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