No Fuss, No Muss: Honey Roasted Peanuts

I’m a big fan of Eats Like A Duck. I find it to be one of the more delightful sites on all the web, and the fact it isn’t more popular is baffling. Baffling, I tells ya! I mean this sincerely. What happened to my hand, you ask? I believe it was a boaking accident. Anyway, when the Eats Like A Duck organization sent out a missive looking for guest posts, I wanted to be able to help. There’s only one problem, though; I don’t really know how to cook. I’ve made spaghetti a couple times in my life, but that’s about it. Cooking isn’t really part of my “deal,” if you’re picking up what I’m laying down. I’m not telling you that I don’t cook to seem “cool.” I know that I’m cool. I’m the kung fu hippie from Gangster City.

So, if I wanted to help out and pitch in, I had to go the “No Muss, No Fuss” route and this is about as mussless and fussless as it gets. I bought some honey roasted peanuts.

Ingredients

• Salt
• Artificial Honey-Roasting Agents
• Pressed Peanut Sweepings*

*OK, that’s not really true. Mileage will vary, but the ones I bought contained peanuts, honey, sea salt, and sunflower oil.

Directions

Open peanut container. Consume peanuts, ideally masticating them with your human teeth until they are grounded into a fine enough mush you can swallow them without incident.

These particular honey roasted peanuts aren’t “high end,” but they got the job done. They weren’t sweet, but they had just enough sweetness to make them taste different than, say, dry roasted peanuts, or plain ol’ salted peanuts. They were still fairly salty, though.

Of course, Homer saved his particular fondness for the last peanut, which, as he described it, is “overflowing with the oil and salt of its departed brothers.” I ate the last peanut. It tasted like every other peanut.

Now, let’s say you don’t have any honey roasted peanuts, but you have twenty dollars. Well, good news! Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts, on account of the fact that money can be exchanged for goods and services. How many peanuts can twenty bucks truly buy? Well, it depends on a variety of factors. These particular peanuts I bought were two bucks for a can for a 12 ounce can. So, depending on the sales tax in your state (or province) you could get nine or 10 cans for twenty bucks. That would be 108-120 ounces of peanuts. That’s a lot of peanuts!

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Honey Roasted Peanuts “Recipe” From: “Boy Scoutz ‘n the Hood” (Season 5, Episode 8)

Thanks to Eats Like A Duck for letting me step in and guest post. It’s the best way I can think of to try and help out aside from getting an auto-dialer. And I’m sorry for the mess I made in the bathroom.

(Editor’s Note: What bathroom!?)

No Fuss, No Muss: Honey Roasted Peanuts From: Boy-Scoutz ‘n the Hood (The Simpsons Season 5 – Episode 8)

Chris Morgan is a pop culture writer who has found dozens of excuses to write about The Simpsons. You can find him on Twitter @ChrisXMorgan