No Fuss, No Muss: Cactus Candy
Marge: Homer, John brought us cactus candy.
Homer: Look, John, you seem like a perfectly nice guy and all. Just stay the hell away from my family!
John: Well, now you don’t get any candy. No, that’s cruel. Take a teensy piece.
– Homer’s Phobia
The Simpsons | Season 8 - Episode 15
I had never heard of cactus candy before seeing this Simpsons episode. At first, I actually thought it was some kind of “gay” joke. But then, I found some of this fabled confection while visiting the magical land called Arizona. Imagine my frustration though, when I bought some of this adorable box of candy home and it didn’t look anything like the one that John is offering to Homer! You know me readers, I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my cactus candy FA-LAMING.
Inside Box (the part with the sweet, sweet candy)
A quick image search shows that cactus candy is available in green too. So where are the green pieces in my box?? I’m left to wonder if the episode candy was intended to be “festive” like John is. Or perhaps the show writers just didn’t know what this stuff actually looks like? Or perhaps, more accurately, the show animators didn’t know. Maybe they just collectively decided: “well, cacti are green, so let’s make the candy green” and walked away thinking it was a job well done.
Of course, that still doesn’t explain the several pieces of pink candy that are included in the box either… Again, my guess is the whole “festive” angle again. Basically, I’m making this whole thing way more complicated then it needs to be and now I just want some sugar. The candy itself tasted fine, kind of like chewy cactus minus the prickles…I assume. Having never actually eaten a cactus I can’t say this is totally accurate one way or another. What I CAN say is that ultra suede is a miracle and this cactus candy just had good timing.
Cromulence: 5 Banned Pogo Stilts out of 10
No Fuss, No Muss: Cactus Candy From: Homer’s Phobia (The Simpsons Season 8 – Episode 15)