Marge’s Dessert Dogs

I want to start out by saying that I honestly did TRY to make Marge’s Dessert Dogs as close to The Simpsons as possible. And so, rather then go on a long rambling tale (we’ll get to that). I want to let the picture of this monstrosity say (almost) everything for me:


I already made Ralph’s Grilled Crayon Sandwich, but maybe I should have tried to make Brandine’s Armadillo a la Road or her Festive Holiday Alco-Hog instead?!? Anywhere, here’s the recipe…


Cookie Hot Dog

  • 2 cups flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 3/4 cup of granulated sugar
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Meringue Bun

  • 3 egg whites
  • 3/4 cup fine sugar
  • 1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar

Cherry Ketchup

  • 1 cups cherries
  • 1/2 cup sugar

Caramel Mustard

  • 1 cup sugar
  • 6 tbsp butter
  • 1/2 cup heavy cream


Cookie Dough Hot Dog

Mix flour and baking soda together in a large bowl, set aside. Beat together butter with granulated and brown sugar, until fluffy. Next, add the eggs and mix well, followed by the vanilla extract. Finally, slowly add the flour mixture until combined. Do not over mix. Roll cookie dough into a hot dog shape and bake until firm, then deep fry into done.

Meringue Bun

Heat the oven oven to 215F and line baking sheet with parchment paper. Thoroughly separate the egg whites and whisk in a stand mixer with cream of tartar on medium speed. Slowly start adding the sugar until the mixture forms a foam. Then increase the speed and continue adding the sugar until soft peaks form. Then continue the mixer running on high speed until firm peaks form – that is the when the peaks hold their shape and are glossy.

Shape the meringue into a “bun” shape and bake for approximately 1 hour or until soft and firm. Let the bun cool in the oven completely with the oven door open.

Cherry Ketchup

Using a food processor, combine the cherries and sugar until well combined. Reduce the mixture on low heat on the stove in a small pan until the mixture reaches a more ketchup-like consistency.

Caramel Mustard

Pour sugar into a saucepan and heat on medium/high heat until it is melted. Keep a close eye on the sugar or it will burn! When the sugar turns a light brown color immediately turn off the heat and add the cream and whisk until combined. Next, add the the butter and continue stirring. Allow the mixture to cool and the sauce will thicken as it does.

FINALLY: assemble the meringue bun first on a plate. Next place the cookie onto the bun, followed by drizzling the cheery ketchup and caramel mustard.

This whole process took several hours and a lot of trial and error. I actually made several versions of the meringue bun because the first few either cracked or didn’t indent the way I wanted them to. The cookie dough also proved to be a challenge as I realized I needed to actually bake the dough before deep frying it because just deep frying resulted in cooking dough warping into weird shapes. The sauces were actually the easiest part since I’ve made fruit compotes and caramel before. 

So, technically I did manage to successfully make all the components of Marge’s Dessert Dogs. Which means I technically did make the whole thing (even if it looks terrible). And being technically correct is the best kind of correct. Overall, this looked awful. However, the important thing is that it didn’t actually taste awful. It was just incredibly sweet which makes sense given the sheer amount of sugar involved. I’m not sure what else there is the say about this except that I tried my best and I failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Or next time just make the Alco-Hog?


Cromulence: 5 Baby Ear Medicines Out of 10






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Jesse N Radin

I’ve had these at a baseball game
Missing some of the ingredients though

Kat O.

Why did you bake the cookie dough before frying it? It says “deep-fried cookie dough” not deep fried cookie. I’m just curious.

Matthew Morelli

Next should be the elephant steak and Bloomin’ Pumpkin from the Family Guy episode Dr. C and the Women

Glenn S.

Well this recipe was a long time coming. But going by the picture, I did not expect it to look so… sad. Though by no means is that a criticism on your cooking skills. From the sound of it you did the best you could with a horrendously complicated recipe concept. So I’d figure this recipe was what, a 1 or 2 drops of Baby Ear Medicine out of 10 in your book or what? But in any case if Marge was able to make this recipe and have it be consistently presentable somehow I’d say that alone should’ve won… Read more »

Glenn S.

Well I hope you didn’t become so dispirited that you wound up just eating a bag of flour in bed.
And you make a good point about the sweetness. But considering that Marge has the skills to stretch out a food budget on twelve dollars a week by doing things like adding sawdust to meatloaf and still having it taste good, I’d say that she is more than capable of somehow making this recipe look good and be palatable.
The cooking skills of a god this woman has.