Marge: Bart? Why are you doing that?
Bart: Our class is making refreshments for Skinner’s party. These are in honor of his army days.
Marge: That explains the flags, but what about the dog food?
Bart: My theory is: Skinner likes dog food!
Marge: Mmmm…Let’s bake him a cake!
Homer: Ooh! A fresh batch of America balls! [eats dog food balls]
– The Principal and The Pauper

The Simpsons | Season 9 - Episode 2

Happy (almost) Independence Day! And by that I mean happy independence day to any American readers. Anyone else who is reading this probably doesn’t care about July 4. In honor of this special occasion I had to make the most patriotic food I could think of: a fresh batch of America Balls! So this is a special recipe for me since it’s not an “I’m Not Making That” recipe. Instead, this is an “I’m Not Eating That” recipe. Because, no, I’m not eating dog food.

Do you know what dog food is made of? It’s mostly just snouts and entrails…and little pieces of bone based on my experience of molding the dog food into balls. I guess it could be worse, I could have been working with Carrot Cat Food which contains 88% Ash and 12% Carrots. Either way, making this was actually more gross then I had anticipated.

Ingredients

• Dog Food (brand is not important)
• Miniature American Flags (for some)

Directions

Roll dog food into balls, place miniature American Flags into each ball. Serve “fresh”.

As you can see in the above picture, I bought the cheapest dog food I could find for the America Balls recipe; because what is more American than buying dog food for one dollar? I suppose you get what you pay for though, because this smelled just awful and, as mentioned above, there were lots of bones in the mixture too. Those two factors alone convinced me not to eat any of these and quite frankly, I’m ok with that.

Cromulence: Unknown. I’m making that, but also I’m not eating that

A Fresh Batch of America Balls Recipe From: The Principal and The Pauper (The Simpsons Season 9 – Episode 2)