A Flavorless Mush Called Rootmarm

Well, I’ve already made Turnip Juice so it was only a matter of time before I tackled Rootmarm. While Jebediah Springfield doesn’t specify the ingredients in his recipe, he does make sure to note that A Flavorless Mush Called Rootmarm is, in fact, flavorless. So I didn’t add any spices to the mush mix, not even salt. You can probably guess where this is going…on to the recipe!


  • Turnip
  • Parsnip
  • Beet


Peel the parsnip and the turnip. The beet juice WILL get everywhere, so be sure to handle with care. Roughly chop all the vegetables and boil until soft. Drain and mash into a mush. 


The rootmarm actually didn’t taste terrible, it just tasted incredibly bland. My suggestions is to eat this while it’s still hot, because then it’s not quite as mushy tasting. Eaten cold it tastes a lot like baby food, which it basically is.

The real question is: would I prefer to live a life of chastity, abstinence, and A Flavorless Mush Called Rootmarm or to marry my attractive cousin? While I DO have several attractive cousins (not bragging, these are just the facts), I just can’t think of them in a marrying type of way. So I guess it’s a life of rootmarm and abstinence for me!

Cromulence: 3 Roman Numerals out of 10

Rootmarm Recipe From: Lemon of Troy (The Simpsons Season 6 – Episode 24)







11 Responses to “A Flavorless Mush Called Rootmarm”

  1. Demiglitch Avatar

    Where did we lose our way? Society is filled with sex and drugs and rock and/or roll. The kids today just don’t care for the rootmarm.

    1. Eats Like A Duck Avatar
      Eats Like A Duck

      That’s why I’m encouraging all children to have two rootmarm meals in one day.

  2. Larwood Avatar

    I really hate all 3 of your ingredients, so I have to disagree with it being called flavourless.

    1. Eats Like A Duck Avatar
      Eats Like A Duck

      I concur.

  3. GetConfidentStupid Avatar

    Pigs probably wouldn’t like that rootmarm very much; they tend to chew.

    1. Alvex Avatar


      1. Eats Like A Duck Avatar
        Eats Like A Duck


  4. jake Avatar

    Looks like we found what the purple mush they ate in season 2 was…

    1. Eatslikeaduck Avatar

      But we still don’t know what the purple berries were that Ralph eated.

      1. Alvex Avatar

        Pokeweed berries, they are poisonous and purple when crushed, or chewed

        1. Eats Like A Duck Avatar
          Eats Like A Duck

          They don’t LOOK poisonous, I’ll just eat the purple berries and see what happens…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *