A Flavorless Mush Called Rootmarm
Jebediah: People, our search is over! On this site we shall build a new town where we can worship freely, govern justly, and grow vast fields of hemp for making rope and blankets.
Shelbyville: Yes, and marry our cousins.
Jebediah: I was, what are you talking about Shelbyville? Why would we want to marry our cousins?
Shelbyville: Because they’re so attractive. I, I thought that was the whole point of this journey.
Jebediah: Absolutely not!
Shelbyville: I tell you, I won’t live in a town that robs men of the right to marry their cousins.
Jebediah: Well then, we’ll form our own town. Who will come and live a life devoted to chastity, abstinence, and a flavorless mush I call rootmarm?
– Lemon of Troy
The Simpsons | Season 6 - Episode 24
Well, I’ve already made Turnip Juice so it was only a matter of time before I tackled Rootmarm. While Jebediah Springfield doesn’t specify the ingredients in his recipe, he does make sure to note that A Flavorless Mush Called Rootmarm is, in fact, flavorless. So I didn’t add any spices to the mush mix, not even salt. You can probably guess where this is going…on to the recipe!
Peel the parsnip and the turnip. The beet juice WILL get everywhere, so be sure to handle with care. Roughly chop all the vegetables and boil until soft. Drain and mash into a mush.
The rootmarm actually didn’t taste terrible, it just tasted incredibly bland. My suggestions is to eat this while it’s still hot, because then it’s not quite as mushy tasting. Eaten cold it tastes a lot like baby food, which it basically is.
The real question is: would I prefer to live a life of chastity, abstinence, and A Flavorless Mush Called Rootmarm or to marry my attractive cousin? While I DO have several attractive cousins (not bragging, these are just the facts), I just can’t think of them in a marrying type of way. So I guess it’s a life of rootmarm and abstinence for me!
Cromulence: 3 Roman Numerals out of 10
Rootmarm Recipe From: Lemon of Troy (The Simpsons Season 6 – Episode 24)