Homer: D’oh! I’m out of tartar sauce. They call this a portion. Hey Lenny are you gonna use all your tartar sauce? Dry fish sticks! This sucks!
[Later]
Burns: How would you improve the worker situation?
Homer: Well, sir, for one thing, we have a problem every Tuesday when the cafeteria would serve fish sticks…
Burns: Fish sticks!? What in blazes are you talking about?
Homer: Well, sir, they cut the head off the fish, then chop up the rest of the sticks. And then put seasoned bread crumbs on it…
Burns: I know what fish sticks are! Get to the point!
Homer: Well, you only get this tiny little cup of tartar sauce to dip in and then I always run out.
Smithers: Will you stop wasting our time Simpson.
Burns: Shut up Smithers! Can’t you see what he’s saying? A happy worker is a busy worker. Three cents worth of tar-tar sauce could save us thousands of man hours in labor. I like the cut of your jib Simpson. Let the fools have their tar-tar sauce!
– Simpson and Delilah 

The Simpsons | Season 2 - Episode 2

I have to agree with Homer, dry fish sticks do suck. But when done correctly, Tartar Sauce with Fish Sticks can transform a sub par lunch into a magical dish that makes people think that Homer is competent. And it’s all thanks to his hair! Actually, it’s pretty much all thanks to Karl, but everything got started with a delicious dipping sauce made from a mayo base.

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 1 tablespoon diced dill pickles
• 1/2 teaspoon diced capers
• 1/2 tablespoon white wine vinegar
• 1/4 teaspoon mustard
• Dash of salt and pepper to taste
• Lemon juice
• 1/4 teaspoon diced onion

Directions

Dice pickles and capers. Add to mayo and mix in vinegar and mustard. Salt and pepper to taste. Place a giant portion next to fish sticks and peas that takes up at least half of the plate.

Opinions on tartar sauce recipes vary between the smooth and chunky varieties with my opinion coming out firmly on the chunky side. If you prefer smooth just substitute diced pickles and capers with pickle brine for a similar taste.

Tartar sauce is a very personal condiment and so my recipe is one of many variations on the basic theme of mayo + pickled stuff + salt and pepper  = delicious. I know for some including mustard wouldn’t be appealing, but I think it adds another layer of vinegar taste that I enjoy. I encourage you to try experimenting with your own tartar sauce. Please don’t buy it from a plastic bottle because it’s really not the same. With a little effort (and possibly some help from an angelic voiced assistant) you too can experience the joys of Tartar Sauce with Fish Sticks!

Cromulence: 8 Dimoxinils out of 10

Tartar Sauce with Fish Sticks Recipe from: Simpson and Delilah (The Simpsons Season 2 – Episode 2)