Million Dollar Birthday Fries

Ok, yes, I didn’t put the Million Dollar Birthday Fries basket on my head. I had enough trouble just getting the sparklers to work because they set off the fire alarm in my house – oh and the alarm told me that both fire AND carbon dioxide were detected. I’m frantically trying to get a picture while the alarms blaring, this was not the time to put a hot basket of fries on my head. 

Anyway! Here, at last, we come to the end of Uncle Moe’s Family Feedbag. What a long (long) strange journey it has been. Of course, I had to end on a high note: Flesharitos! Wait, no, I’m ending on Million Dollar Birthday Fries, complete with American flags because I totally forgot to include the flags in almost all of the proceeding recipes I made for Moe Madness.

There are many variations on how to make delicious French fries online. Opinions vary widely on how long to soak potatoes, what the cooking temperature should be, and how long you should fry. But there a few constants: always use russet potatoes, always soak and thoroughly dry your fries, and always double fry.

…or you could just use frozen fries, which is exactly what Uncle Moe would do.


  • Frozen French Fries
  • Oil (I used sunflower oil because it has a high smoke point)



Cook the fries for approximately 3-4 minutes (this depends on how many fries you’re cooking, what temperature you’re cooking at) and remove them from the oil and set aside. Crank the temperature of the oil to 375 F and fry those fries for an additional 2-3 minutes or until golden brown and crispy. 

Avoid eating this off someone’s head as the basket is extremely hot…or so I’m told.


Very good! I actually really liked the spices on these and they were cooked to perfection. I actually felt pretty special eating these, what with all the flags and the dollar sign. I didn’t keep the sparklers going because of the fire hazard and the aforementioned smoke detector going off. I would order these for my birthday or really any day. As Uncle Moe would say: “Here you go. Here I am. Eat your fries. Eat em.”

Cromulence: 8 Freaking Ears out of 10

Million Dollar Birthday Fries Recipe From: Bart Sells His Soul (The Simpsons Season 7 – Episode 4)






Notify of
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

In case you ever feel compelled to honor the world’s worst bar owner by making more of his recipes: and


Great suggestion. Guess I’ll have to do another round of Moe Madness next year!