Marge’s Delicious Boiled Celery
Lisa: I’m allergic to everything here. My nose is so stuffed up, I can’t even taste Mom’s delicious boiled celery.
– You Only Move Twice
The Simpsons | Season 8 - Episode 2
Celery is intended to be served as rigid vegetable, which is why it’s a great vessel for delivering dip into your mouth while still convincing yourself that you’re being healthy. Or it’s part of a base for delicious things like a mirepoix or exciting celery soup. Marge’s Delicious Boiled Celery in the screenshot looks vaguely similar to cabbage or, quite possibly boiled paper? I’m basing that mostly on the color and consistency.
Since the quote from Lisa and the image were all I had to work with, I wasn’t really sure how to make a Boiled Celery recipe delicious. And so, much like a lazy and surly teamster, I decided to just boil the hell out of celery to see what would happen. The results will not shock you. At all.
Bring salted water to a boil. Add celery and boil until it appears grey, approximately half an hour. Serve to someone with severe seasonal allergies.
Try as I might, I just couldn’t get the celery to look all limp and grey like in the episode. I guess I could have just kept boiling for another few hours to see what would happen?
While this is technically edible, I wouldn’t recommend making it or eating it. Marge’s Delicious Boiled Celery has the taste and consistency of a piece of celery you would find in a soup. Which makes complete sense given that boiling celery in soup is the same as boiling it in salted water. You’re much better off eating celery raw than serving it boiled.
Cromulence: 1 Northern Reticulated Chipmunk out of 10
Marge’s Delicious Boiled Celery Recipe from: You Only Move Twice (The Simpsons Season 8 – Episode 2)