Holidays of Future Passed Christmas Cookies


Marge: Oh, honey, why don’t you just relax and bake something?
Lisa: Ugh! I am trying to deal with my disrespectful daughter, but you are too clueless to understand what that’s like.
Marge: Uh-huh.
[Later]
Lisa: My daughter thinks I’m a lousy mother.
Bart: Sorry.
Lisa: Eh, it’s okay. But you know who took her side? Marge Bouvier Simpson.
Bart: What’d she do?
Lisa: She told me to relax and bake cookies.
Bart: Did you bake any?
Lisa: Yes, I did. And they were some of the best cookies ever made in this house.
– Holidays of Future Passed 

The Simpsons | Season 23 - Episode 9

Holidays of Future Passed has been praised as a “return to classic Simpsons” episode; I wouldn’t go that far, although I did enjoy it. What I didn’t enjoy was making Marge’s insanely giant portioned cookie recipe because whoever created it doesn’t understand how sugar cookies work AT ALL. First, let’s take a look at the Holidays of Future Passed Christmas Cookies ingredients:

6 cups of butter / 6 eggs / 3 tsp salt / 3 cups sour cream / 6-8 cups of flour / 2 cups sugar / 4 tsp vanilla / 4 tsp baking powder / 7 tsp soda

My issues with this recipe (in order of how much it upsets me) are that first, why does this recipe involve all this random stuff like sour cream? It’s not necessary to be included when making a simple sugar cookie. Second, the ingredients include volumes like 6 cups of butter – how many cookies is Marge planning to make? Because this will make a LOT of cookie dough. Also, saying 6-8 cups of flour is leaving things pretty open to having either some extremely sticky or extremely dry cookies.

Also, while on the topic of butter, the icing is supposed to be made with margarine. But why not use butter for this since you’re already using it in the cookies? Margarine is gross and I don’t like it. But for the sake of authenticity I did use it her. Finally (and this is kind of nitpicky, but whatever) there are gingerbread men on the recipe card. This isn’t a recipe for gingerbread it’s supposed to be sugar cookies.

Wow, I feel better now actually. In the interest of not having to make 700 cookies, I cut this recipe by two thirds but keep all other ratios the same. I also just eyeballed the frosting amounts and it turned out just fine.

Ingredients

Cookie

  • 2 cups of butter
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 cups sour cream
  • 2-3 cups of flour
  • 2/3 cups sugar
  • 1.5 tsp vanilla
  • 1.5 tsp baking powder
  • 2.5 tsp soda

Frosting

  • Powdered sugar
  • Margarine
  • Small amount of milk and vanilla

Directions

Cookie

Mix all the ingredients together. Chill for 1 hour. Roll and cut. Bake at 300 degrees. Makes a soft sugar cookie.

Frosting

Cream together, adding just enough milk to make the frosting creamy.

Seriously, this recipe is the worst and I’m mad that perfectly rich cremery butter was used to make these cookies. Overall, the cookies were fine, but unnecessarily complicated. If you want a simple sugar cookie recipe, just keep it simple using: Butter / Sugar / Egg / Vanilla Extract / Baking Powder / Flour

Easy, simple, delicious, and no sour cream required at all. Even with cutting down on the amount of ingredients I was still left with a lot of cookies. Ugh, a person feeling annoyed about something related to the holidays, who could have imagined this outcome?

Cromulence: 6 Mohawk Gels out of 10

Holidays of Future Passed Christmas Cookies Recipe From: Holidays of Future Passed (The Simpsons Season 23 – Episode 9)

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teightytwo
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I’M SORRY JUST CANNOT GET OVER 6 CUPS OF FLOUR WHAT THE HELL 6! 6! SIX!!!!! Trust Marge to shoo away common sense and logic, like her making 16 servings of dinner when Homer’s on hunger strike.

Eatslikeaduck
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Agreed, this recipe would work if you were making enough cookies for about 50 people, but a family of 10? I don’t think so.

Alias
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Alias

These sugar cookies don’t seem very sweet using more sour cream and less sugar

Eatslikeaduck
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Exactly! You absolutely need frosting on them or they taste closer to a biscuit than anything resembling a sugar cookie.

Alias
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Alias

Crime against baking