Homer: I only eat food in bar form. When you concentrate food, you unleash its awesome power, I’m told. That’s why I’m compressing 5 pounds of spaghetti into one handy mouth-sized bar…Hospital, please.
– King of the Hill 

The Simpsons | Season 9 - Episode 23

We all know that eating two spaghetti meals in one day is something to be worried about. Well, it’s something that Milhouse’s dad is worried about anyway. But what about eating a spaghetti meal in concentrated bar form? Would making a compressed spaghetti bar unleash its awesome power and allow me to climb a mountain? I think we all know the answer to this question is no. And don’t say that my inability to climb a mountain is from years of unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise, we all know it’s the Five Pounds of Spaghetti Compressed into One Handy, Mouth-Sized Bar fault!

Ingredients

• Spaghetti
• Meatballs

Directions

Prepare meatballs in whatever fashion you deem acceptable, including types of meats, binding agents, and spices. This can be personal for some people and it’s not really the crux of this recipe anyway.

Boil spaghetti for the appropriate amount of time according to the packaging, drain and plate. Serve with delicious meatballs. Next, don’t eat the spaghetti and meatballs at all, but instead shove as much as you possibly can into sandwich bag until you they reach a rough bar shape. Freeze the contents until they reach true bar form.

I realize that when Homer was making his compressed spaghetti bar he uses a sausage maker with a convenient “bar” setting. Sadly, this doesn’t exist and also wouldn’t work so I had to go with the compressed frozen spaghetti bar method.

Of course, I had to take a bite of the spaghetti bar and it wouldn’t stay compressed when thawed so…yeah. I really wouldn’t suggest eating anything compressed into frozen bar form, unless that’s how it’s intended to be eaten – like popsicles. But since it’s technically edible you can go for it if you like. I think I’ll stick to either Power Sauce Bars or The Vita Peach Health Log for all my future mountain climbing needs.

Cromulence: 5 Lazy Sherpas out of 10

Five Pounds of Spaghetti Compressed into One Handy, Mouth-sized Bar Recipe From: King of the Hill (The Simpsons Season 9 – Episode 23)