Christmas Tree and Bloody Spearhead Cookies
Marge: Hey kids! I made your favorite cookies. Christmas trees for the girls, and bloody spearheads for Bart!
– Miracle on Evergreen Terrace
The Simpsons | Season 9 - Episode 10
We’re covering a lot of ground in this special holiday installment post featuring Christmas Tree and Bloody Spearhead Cookies. So strap yourself in and feel the Gs! Marge does a lot of baking, which is why I knew I’d seen her Christmas tree cookie recipe in at least two Simpsons episodes. The first is referenced above, while the second comes from:
Marge: I was just making Christmas cookies. But since you don’t believe in Christmas anymore, I guess you don’t want any.
Lisa: Well, they do smell good.
Marge: It’s a pity.
Bart: All right! Trash cookie! Uh-oh. I think I ate a dog food lid.
– She of Little Faith (The Simpsons Season 13 – Episode 6)
In this scene Marge is wearing oven mitts while holding the pan with the cookies, implying that they came straight from the oven. But they’re already frosted which means the frosting would be everywhere and this would be a complete mess. I mean, what are we to believe, this is some kind of magical frosting or something? I really hope someone got fired for that blunder. That inconsistency aside, I am left to conclude that the Trash Cookie recipe is the same as the Christmas Tree and Bloody Spearhead Cookies recipe.
Did you know that Martha Stewart has appeared on The Simpsons? It happened! Specifically it was The Fight Before Christmas (Season 22 – Episode 8). In honor of Martha being on the show, I decided that when making the Christmas Tree and Bloody Spearhead Cookies I would use her sugar cookie recipe. This turned out to be a terrible idea.
- 2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for rolling
- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- 1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
- 1 large egg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/2 cup butter softened
- 2 cups confectioner’s sugar, sifted
- 1 teaspoons vanilla
- 2 tablespoons milk
Combine dry ingredients and set aside. Cream butter and sugar together, then add egg and vanilla extract. Slowly add flour mixture into the wet ingredients. Note: up until now I was on board with this recipe. But…here are some instructions taken directly from Martha’s recipe:
- Divide dough in half; flatten into disks. Wrap each in plastic; freeze until firm, at least 20 minutes.
- Remove one dough disk; let stand 5 to 10 minutes. Roll out 1/8 inch thick between two sheets of floured parchment, dusting dough with flour as needed.
- Cut shapes with cookie cutters. Using a spatula, transfer to prepared baking sheets. (If dough gets soft, chill 10 minutes.)
What?! I’ve made sugar cookies before and I usually roll out the dough, cut shapes and throw them in the oven. Why does this need to be frozen and refrozen? This dough was by far the stickiest I’ve ever dealt with and I for sure needed the damn floured parchment to get the Christmas tree shapes onto the pan. The recipe is too complicated, Martha!
The good news is that the butter frosting is very straightforward. Use a mixer to beat the butter for several minutes, then slowly add the sifted confectioners sugar. Next, add the vanilla extract and milk until well combined. Finally, add food coloring as needed.
I was really happy with how the grey color on the frosting turned out. With the green and red frosting, I just added a bunch of the standard color, but with the grey I had to be more creative. First, I threw a bunch of colors together until grey appearance. Next, I went to town on frosting the cookies. Overall the cookies turned out great and tasted good too! But still, that cookie dough recipe…
Cromulence: 8 Inferno Buster 3000s out of 10
Christmas Tree and Bloody Spearhead Cookies Recipe From: Miracle on Evergreen Terrace (The Simpsons Season 9 – Episode 10)