Manjula: I know you have all gone to a lot of trouble to meddle in my affairs. But you cannot change my mind with one night of blasphemy and store-bought tandoori. Or should I say blandoori!
– The Sweetest Apu
The Simpsons | Season 13 - Episode 19
First, a disclaimer: I am in not an expert on Indian food, cooking or culture. However, I am fairly skilled in the art of internet research and so before I even get into the Blandoori recipe I want to clarify a few things. In the episode Homer and Apu, Apu says: “Back in Rahimatpur I was considered quite the gourmet.”
I found a lot of different spellings for Rahimatpur and this was the only one that actually exists in India, at least according to my internet research. If I’m wrong on this please let me know! I have no idea if The Simpsons writers actually knew of this place or just picked something that sounded plausible and said Apu was from there. Either way, Rahimatpur is in Western India and lentils are a staple of the cuisine. Additionally, Apu is a confirmed vegetarian, so I don’t think it’s a stretch to assume Manjula is as well, particularly given the following dinner conversation:
Apu: Good rice, good curry, good Ghandi, let’s hurry.
Marge: Mmmm … this is delicious! What’s in it?
Manjula: Chickpeas, lentils, and rice.
Marge: And what’s in this?
Manjula: Chickpeas and lentils.
Apu: Try it with rice.
– I’m With Cupid (The Simpsons Season 10 – Episode 14)
Thus I decided that my Blandoori would contain no meat, but would contain chickpeas and lentils and be served on rice.
- Tandoori Cooking Sauce
- Can Chickpeas
- 1 Cup Dried Lentils
- 1 Cup Uncooked Basmati Rice
Cook the rice either in a rice cooker or on the stove. Cook the lentils based on directions on the packaging (mine took about 15 minutes). Heat the chickpeas in a pan on the stove and add the Tandoori Cooking Sauce. Next, slowly add the cooked lentils until combined with the sauce. Plate rice and cover with Blandoori.
This is one of the blandest foods I’ve ever eaten, but at the same time it didn’t exactly taste bad just boring. It doesn’t really surprise me that Marge would make something like this because in this episode she’s so busy trying to force a couple to get back together that she likely didn’t have time to learn how to prepare something more flavorful. On the plus side, I tried a new thing while eating my dinner – something called a napkin, outrageous!
Cromulence: 3 Golden Bananas out of 10
Blandoori Recipe From: The Sweetest Apu (The Simpsons Season 13 – Episode 19)