Big John’s Breakfast Log
Marge: I heard that! You know the rule!
Homer: Oh! But I can rebuild! Ow. Ow. Stupid trash. Rotten. Stinky. Hate world. Revenge soon. Take out on everyone.
– Trash of the Titans
The Simpsons | Season 9 - Episode 22
What exactly makes a breakfast log? These are the philosophical questions that keep me up at night. Based on this episode, Big John’s Breakfast Log appears to just be a giant sausage. It’s not like a breakfast burrito or other similarly shaped log foods. So I went with the obvious and made a mini version out of delicious pork sausage patties.
- Breakfast Sausage
Preheat oven to 350F. Reconstitute breakfast sausage into log form – I used tin foil to help roll the shape correctly. Bake approximately 15-20 minutes or until internal temperature reaches 140F.
This was actually a lot of fun to make. Molding the sausage patties was like creating a gooey, fatty, delicious masterpiece of log proportions. The completed breakfast log was delicious warm, but of course I also needed to eat this cold since that’s how Homer ate his. It was almost as delicious cold. If this was something I could grab from my fridge in the morning, pop in the microwave and then start eating, I probably would. A lot. I’m both happy and sad that this product doesn’t actually exist.
Cromulence: 9 Lord Huggingtons out of 10
Big John’s Breakfast Log Recipe From: Trash of the Titans (The Simpsons Season 9 – Episode 22)